genesis

…so-called because this is, obviously, the beginning of the blog. and it sounds better than “origins,” and i’m too lazy to go thesaurus-ing other synonyms. but i can’t hear “genesis” without also thinking not of the phil collins outfit, but of that cast member from “the real world: boston.” remember her? the lipstick lesbian? that season sucked, if memory serves. wow, remember when they actually used to cast regular people on that show, and not just frat boys & girls gone wild? better still, remember when mtv’s primary programming was still music videos? anyway… i made a pop culture television reference in conversation with a friend last night and he didn’t get it. usually when this sort of thing happens, it’s because i’m talking to one of the other women in my moms’ group, but this was one of my friends. like, from way back. who gets monty python references, and is familiar with the smiths and the pixies and radiohead. whose vocabulary still includes the f-word. i mean, i wouldn’t expect the m-ville moms to be familiar with reality programming on mtv (my analogy had to do with lauren, heidi, & spencer), but i also don’t expect to discuss music, literature (unless it’s the book by supernanny), or politics with them. so two things come to light from this experience: 1) i have two distinct groups of friends, and i don’t know how i feel about that. there are the moms, who get all the kid & family stuff, and whose company i find to be so comfortable and completely essential. i feel renewed every time we hang. there are a couple of women i’m starting to get close to outside of the group, too, and that’s really cool. it’s taken me a long time to find other mothers to spend time with, and i’m so thankful that i finally found my tribe. the thing about the moms’ group is that these women are, for the most part, christians. i found the group on meetup-dot-com, and there’s no religious affiliation listed, but the group’s organizer is a member of a local church, and that church is where we happen to have some of our regular get-togethers. if you look at the church’s website, the mom’s group is listed there as another one of their “life groups,” which i think is just a contemporary version of a prayer group, or a fellowship something-or-other. there’s no prayer at playgroup, or anything, but they definitely assume everyone is of the same religious persuasion. religion is something i’ve struggled with over the past several years, and, while i’m not sure what path i’m on (i fall somewhere between buddhist and unitarian universalist), i do know that, for me, christianity raises far more questions than it answers; it’s impractical; it’s uncomfortable. we are not a good fit, christianity and i. living where i live, i see a lot of hypocrisy, ego, and general negativity coming from the regional christian community. this doesn’t help matters any. obviously, i realize all christians aren’t hell-bent on forcing thier beliefs down the rest of our heathen throats, and these moms’ group ladies seem to be pretty live-and-let-live. the problem is that i feel like a fraud. there’s an episode of “sex & the city,” where charlotte starts hanging out with these “power lesbians” all the time. she loves spending time with them; she feels safe, empowered, and liberated in their company. when charlotte tells carrie, miranda, and samantha about the lesbians, though, the three insist that charlotte has to come clean and tell the lesbians that she’s not one of them. charlotte wonders why striaght women and gay women can’t be friends, and samantha tells her, “you can’t move to wonder woman island and not expect to go native.” in fact, when charlotte is eventually confronted by the head of the lesbian clique, she tries to explain that, though she’s straight, she really really really loves hanging out with all these wonderful, smart women. and, with a smile, the head lesbian says, “sweetheart, that’s all very nice, but if you’re not going to eat pussy, you’re not a dyke.” so this is my moms’ group dilemma: are they my power lesbians? then there are my other friends: the friends i had before i became a mom. these are the friends i talk about everything (except the bulk of the mom stuff) with, the ones i get a drink with, the ones i go out for sushi with. these are the friends who read non-fiction and listen to music outside of christain radio and america’s top 40. the friends who are familiar with “the onion” and npr. the friends i hang out with after dark. the thing is, no matter what you think or feel before you have kids, things change with you and your childless friends once your offspring arrives. you don’t want things to change; in fact, you may tell yourself that this won’t happen to you. i mean, you’re the same person! you’re having a baby, not a lobotomy! listen: it’s just not so. my childless friends are childless by choice. while they may tolerate my son because he’s cute, reasonably well-behaved, and, above all, my son, i still know on some teeny subconscious level that there is tolerance involved. and that’s really where the difference lies. people with kids get it – the interrupted conversations, the abrupt departures, the dried animal cracker gunk on my jeans – they’ve been there, too. what i’m struggling with is feeling like i live in two worlds. is it okay that i have these different groups of people for different aspects of my personality? or is that somehow immature? why am i struggling in the first place? i think it’s because what i really want is a moms’ group made up of women like my childless friends. who knows, though – maybe this, like everything else about parenting so far, will get easier with time. i hope so. 2) clearly, i need less television in my life. there is no good reason for anyone outside of high school to watch “the hills,” much less to spend time googling those fool cast members. i know this, and yet… i would love to cancel our cable, or at least downgrade to basic cable. we’d save, like, $70 a month, and we wouldn’t have the never-ending distraction that comes from having a wonder box with hundreds of viweing possibilities (and that’s where they swindle you – the possibilities) at your fingertips. dave won’t go for it, though. despite the fact that he constantly complains about the dearth of interesting programming, and about never having time to sit down and read. i don’t get it. my husband once subscribed to adbusters; you’d think he’d see the benefits inherent in less tv. must continue to charm my way to victory. in the meantime, i guess i could, uh, just not watch it. smell ya later.